A Most Human Week

Greetings! Salutations!

In trying to figure out what to write to you about this week, I went back and forth between a few different options:

But when I sat down to write about any of those, what I found myself reflecting on what how high my emotions have been this week.

Getting my steps fixed has been beyond frustrating, as men in their 50s and 60s take one look at the cracked sandstone and crumbling bricks and proceed to tell me that it’s my fault for not maintaining them (it’s not), then get mad at me for correcting them when I say the damage was caused by a car. Along with these men not taking a single measurement of the steps, some of them have just not sent the quote that they said they would (and it’s been a whole week, when they said I would have it “tomorrow”). So, I’m left standing there with broken steps, feeling like I’ve been talked down to and without a solution to the very real problem and SAFETY HAZARD. Crying about concrete was not part of the plan.

Also, crazy behavior from someone you are trying to pay thousands of dollars to for a job.

Enter a very nice man, who took one look at the steps, turned to me and asked, “Did a car hit these?” YES! Yes, Gary it did! Along with a few other funny quips from him, he also had the best quote for the work BY FAR (like 1/3 of the cost of the next best guy). So, problem solved (in 6-8 weeks when the new steps are complete). I closed my front door after Gary left and pumped my fist in the air, elated.

But that joy was tempered by this week’s Hinge dates. Neither of the men were a walking red flag or anything, but they were just not the right person for me. Which I’m finding more and more of lately, between the dating apps, speed dating, singles mixers, and the fact that NO ONE has a person they would like to set me up with. I’m searching for a needle in a haystack, and I’m starting to wonder if someone lied about it being in here at all. It’s lonely. It’s anxiety-inducing wondering if I’m the problem. It’s hard not to lose hope. Dating comes with surrendering control, letting your hopes rise that a date might go well, and then trying not to crash out when it doesn’t. It feels like a boat being rocked by the waves, always wondering if they will get worse as a storm rolls in or if there are clear skies and still waters on the horizon. The in-between is a hard space to live in.

But don’t worry, I also cried for a good reason this week: The Outsiders. I was doing an okay job of holding it together during the musical’s song, “Stay Gold,” until I heard someone in the row behind me sniff, and then it was all over for me. I was sobbing in the dark while a friend passed me Kleenex. Yes, it was sadness for the character in the show (and if you don’t remember what I’m talking about it’s time to re-read the book or at least watch the movie), but there’s something so deeply human about crying in a crowd, watching a live performance that is an incredible reminder of how important the arts are. Tears like these are happy at their core, because to feel so “in the story” is such a gift.

Frustrated, angry, upset, sad, anxious, hopeless, hopeful, connected: to feel is to be human. Now I need a nap.

Can you read/watch/listen to The Outsiders without crying?

I have not written anything fun this week, unfortunately. But I have been doing lots of reading/listening, so hopefully some inspiration strikes this week.

I am currently listening to the audiobook, Vigil by George Saunders. I borrowed it from Libby on a whim yesterday because the cover looked familiar, and I needed something new to listen to while I was cleaning up my basement. I have just over an hour left, which I should finish today.

Vigil is told from the perspective of a ghost/angel/soul in purgatory, the narrator is tasked with comforting a man’s soul who is about to pass on, but with a slew of ethereal visitors sabotaging her mission and her own tragic backstory pulling at her emotions, our narrator is faced with a unique challenge.

I’d be interested to get a hand on a copy of the book to see how exactly some of the sections of this book are laid out on the page. In audio, there are several guest narrators who impose on the story, often overlapping with the narrators voice or taking over the narration at points. That said, I think the audiobook does a great job of accomplishing this storytelling method.

While I did not take any photos of the food, I shared Girl Dinner (several apps and a couple cocktails) with friends at Bartleby. Located in a converted bank, this restaurant gives dark, cozy, library vibes that were perfect for a pre-show hang on a (briefly) stormy evening.

Highly recommend the arancini and the Pomologist (pictured below).

Plans for this upcoming week: